SAGE & SASS: THE SUBSCRIPTION THAT WILL RESCUE YOUR INBOX
ATTENTION, WEARY DIGITAL BEINGS!
[Dramatic pause as spotlight illuminates]
Your inbox is DESPERATELY CRYING OUT for content that doesn't sound like it was written by a marketing robot overdosed on corporate manuals! Sage & Sass is arriving on a COSMIC RESCUE MISSION!
🌈 FREE PLAN: WELCOME TO THE LOBBY OF ENTERTAINMENT
For exactly ZERO actual currency units, you receive:
Brain wave-inducing essays that your neurologist cannot explain
Literary teasers that will make you forget to scroll through Instagram
Cultural commentary that will have you laughing in public places and looking like a madperson
✨ PREMIUM PLAN: WHERE THE REAL MAGIC HAPPENS
For a modest investment (less than you spend on coffee in a single week):
Digital treasury with content that otherwise costs individually (your bank account will DANCE WITH DELIGHT)
Behind-the-scenes peek where I reveal the creative process that is part inspiration, part chaos
VIP treatment where your comments take priority as if you're the CEO of the universe
WHY SUBSCRIBE? SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH
After detailed analysis, it has been determined:
Your inbox resembles a graveyard of generic newsletters that make your eyes close automatically
Your brain cells are organizing a protest due to the lack of quality content
You have a secret desire for words that simultaneously make you laugh AND provoke thought
SOLEMN PROMISE
[Dramatic music plays in background]
This newsletter is guaranteed to be the ONLY ONE that will give you a dose of wisdom packaged in humor that doesn't sound like it's trying to sell you a course on manifesting wealth!
SUBSCRIBE NOW because your future self is already reading these texts and thinking what a genius you were for clicking that button!
P.S. Statistically speaking, people who subscribe to Sage & Sass are 78% more likely to experience moments of sudden wisdom while standing in line at the store. Can your current inbox say that?
