YOUR DESIRE JUST CHANGED ITS PASSWORD AND DIDN'T TELL YOUR BRAIN
You've been wanting from three versions of yourself ago. Your nervous system already filed the divorce papers.
You made a vision board in 2023 with very specific energy. Magazine cutouts. Glitter glue. A woman laughing alone with salad because apparently that’s what aligned abundance looks like. You told the universe EXACTLY what you wanted: the relationship, the apartment with exposed brick and suspiciously good natural lighting, the career that would finally make your mother stop asking “but what’s your PLAN?”
And now you’re standing in front of that vision board like it’s a screenshot from a group chat you left two personality shifts ago. “I wanted THAT? With the... were those chevron pillows? And why is she so happy about that salad? WHO WAS I?”
(For the astro-nerds: Sun conjunct Venus exact today, 16° Capricorn. Venus hitting her “Full Moon” moment, the climax of a 584-day cycle where everything you thought you valued gets dragged into the light for a performance review it didn’t prepare for. Your desires are under audit. The cosmos sent an examiner. Her name is Reality and she has QUESTIONS.)
Something in you is resetting that has nothing to do with making decisions. The very criteria by which you recognize what you want is being rewritten. Not at the level of choice. At the level of code. Your body is changing the algorithm while your mind keeps refreshing the old homepage wondering why nothing loads.
⚡ QUANTUM-NEURO INCIDENT REPORT ⚡
What your nervous system filed while you were busy manifesting:
EVENT: Triple system desynchronization detected LOCATION: The space between what you want, what you do, and who you are DURATION: Approximately 6-18 months of background processing
TECHNICAL SUMMARY: Three subsystems have been operating on incompatible frequencies:
VENUS FUNCTION (Desire/Attraction Field): Generating want-signals based on outdated parameters. Source code contaminated with: maternal projection residue, ex-partner validation loops, Instagram-algorithm-induced lack patterns, and a fundamental “not enough until I get X” error that’s been running since approximately age 7.
MARS FUNCTION (Will/Action Protocol): Receiving corrupted commands. Current status: executing behaviors that contradict stated desires. Motor pathways defaulting to survival patterns while conscious mind submits requests for “passion” and “aliveness.” Request denied. Insufficient coherence.
SOLAR FUNCTION (Identity/Coherence Center): Attempting to integrate incompatible signals. Prefrontal cortex overloaded. System running three simultaneous identities: “who I want to be,” “who I’m acting like,” and “who I actually am.” Power consumption: unsustainable. Burnout imminent.
RESOLUTION IN PROGRESS: Full system recalibration initiated. Old criteria being deprecated. New parameters downloading. Estimated completion: when you stop interfering.
RECOMMENDED ACTION: None. Stop trying to fix it. The update is automatic.
Here’s the civil war you’ve been funding with your adrenal glands: Desire whispers: “I want freedom. Passion. To feel ALIVE for fuck’s sake.” Action answers: “Best I can do is answer these emails. Maybe aliveness next quarter?” Identity interrupts: “I’m responsible. I’m loyal. I’m the one who STAYS. That’s who I am. Right? ...Right?”
That’s not alignment. That’s a three-way call where everyone’s lying and nobody remembered to mute themselves and someone’s definitely crying in the background.
You’ve been wanting one thing. Doing another. Being a third. And your body, your poor, exhausted, didn’t-sign-up-for-this body, has been the translator trying to make sense of three incompatible languages while running on cortisol and a prayer.
In neuroscience terms, this is called cognitive-somatic conflict. Your prefrontal cortex is playing air traffic controller for three planes trying to land on the same runway simultaneously.
In quantum terms, you’ve been holding yourself in a superposition that was never meant to be stable. Wave function collapse is occurring. Not because you chose it. Because it couldn’t NOT happen anymore.
In human terms: you’re fucking exhausted from being three people and your body just unionized.
(Your nervous system didn’t sign up to be the United Nations peacekeeping force for your internal civil war. It wanted a simple life. A clear signal. Instead it got: geopolitical crisis of the self, delegates from your mother’s expectations AND your ex’s projections AND your own impossible standards all demanding floor time. Cool. Cool cool.)
The fatigue that nothing explains isn’t from doing too much. It’s from the friction of fragmentation. Desire pulling east. Action pulling west. Identity trying to hold the whole mess together with duct tape, dissociation, and a really convincing “I’m fine!” Your cells have been paying the electricity bill for this chaos. Today, they’re done subsidizing the war.
Your desire is getting an upgrade you didn’t authorize and couldn’t refuse. The old desire was LOUD. It had a marketing team, a PR strategy, a very compelling TED talk about why you absolutely needed it or you’d die alone surrounded by cats who don’t even like you. The old desire was built from:
Your mother’s unlived dreams (she wanted to live in Paris; you keep buying berets)
That ex who made you feel like you had something to prove (you don’t)
Instagram’s algorithm knowing EXACTLY which wounds to target at 2am
A fundamental belief that you’re not enough until you GET the thing
That desire is losing signal. Wifi disconnecting. Server not found.
The new desire doesn’t have a TED talk. It doesn’t have a marketing budget. It has a pulse. That’s it. Just a quiet, undeniable drumbeat in your tissue that your body recognizes before your brain can assemble a pros and cons list.
Desire is returning to soma. To belly. To the skin that knows before the mind can interpret. If something no longer wakes your tissue, it simply falls away. No dramatic goodbye. No closure conversation. No “I just need to understand WHY.” Just silence where the noise used to be. Your cells have stopped attending meetings about what you should want. They’re done with committees.
⚡ SIGNAL RECLASSIFICATION NOTICE ⚡
Effective immediately, the following have been reclassified:
PREVIOUSLY FILED UNDER “DEEP DESIRE”:
The relationship that required you to be 40% less yourself
The career that looked impressive but felt like wearing wet concrete
The goal you copied from someone else’s vision board because yours felt “too small”
The version of success that would finally make your father say he’s proud
NOW RECLASSIFIED AS:
Inherited programming (source: maternal line)
Wound-based compensation strategy
Ego-maintenance protocol
Abandoned. File closed. No forwarding address.
NEW CLASSIFICATION CRITERIA: Does it wake the body? Does tissue respond before thought? Does the belly soften or grip? These are the only metrics that remain valid.
ALL OTHER CRITERIA: Deprecated.
Here’s the part that’s going to mess with your planning brain: This is NOT the time to make decisions. I know. I KNOW. Your mind wants a strategy. A clear next step. A five-year plan with quarterly milestones and maybe a spreadsheet with color-coded tabs. But this isn’t decision time. This is the time when the BASIS for all decisions is being rewritten at the root. You can’t choose from the new menu because the menu hasn’t finished printing.
The question isn’t “what do I want?” That question runs on old software. The question is: “What is true enough to move me?” Not what sounds good at dinner parties. Not what would make a great Instagram caption. Not what your therapist would approve of. What makes your cells vote yes. What your body can’t ignore even when your mind builds a 37-slide presentation about why it’s impractical.
Some things you thought you wanted are going to feel suddenly empty. Like walking into a house you used to live in and realizing it smells like someone else now. The person who used to be “the one”? Static. The career you were building? Someone else’s costume. The life you planned? A house with no windows and you’re only now noticing you’ve been holding your breath for three years. Plot twist: This isn’t crisis. This is recalibration.
Your attraction settings are updating. The parameters for “what turns me on”, not just sexually but existentially, are being rewritten.
(Your soul is that friend who rearranged all your furniture while you were on vacation and says “trust me, the feng shui is SO much better now” while you’re standing there holding your keys like “...where is my fucking couch and why is there a plant where my TV used to be?”)
When desire purifies, it doesn’t get bigger. It gets truer. It stops apologizing. Stops performing. Stops asking permission from people who don’t live in your body and never paid rent there. What remains stopped needing to be loud. It just pulses there, undeniable, while your mind is still looking for evidence. A pulse that doesn’t need a vision board. A want that moves through your bloodstream like it owns the place. Because it does.
The old algorithm was: “I want because I lack.” The new algorithm is: “I move because I resonate.”
The old algorithm was: “When I get this, I’ll finally be enough.” The new algorithm is: “I’m already whole. Now what wants to be built from HERE?”
The old algorithm needed permission. The new algorithm only needs your body’s yes.
Nothing new is starting here. Something old is finally stopping. The part where you betray yourself and call it 'being realistic. The moment desire stops being a performance and becomes a pulse. The moment you stop chasing what you were taught to want and start listening to what your body has been whispering for months while you were too busy manifesting to hear it.
THE PRACTICE
Skip the candles. This is a system reset.
Stand or sit. Feet on floor. Spine natural. Don’t perform good posture for an audience of no one. One hand on chest. One hand on low belly. Two different intelligences live here. Feeling and instinct. Heart-brain and gut-brain. Let both be witnessed without asking them to agree.
Three breaths through nose. Not performatively deep. Just enough that your body registers: you’re here. you’re listening. finally.
Say internally, no voice: “I no longer move from the old reason.”
Nothing else. No explaining. No adding. Let your body respond however it responds. Warmth. Restlessness. Relief. Grief. Emptiness. Absolutely nothing.
All correct. All data.
Then: “I allow the new criteria to reveal itself.”
You’re not looking for answers. Your mind can sit this one out. The permission slip is being signed by your cells.
Two more breaths. Press feet into floor. Ground the update. Done.
If it felt like nothing happened, congratulations. The code installed below the drama where it actually works.
⋆｡°✩ ⋆｡°✩ ⋆｡°✩
You've been manifesting with your prefrontal cortex. Manifestation actually happens in your fascia, your vagus nerve, your goddamn bone marrow. The user manual for wanting from the right operating system is
Why Some Dreams Feel Like Groceries and Others Like Distant Clouds
I wrote this book because I’ve been obsessed with one question my entire life: why do some things manifest like breathing and others like trying to catch fog with your hands? You know what I mean. Some desires feel like vegetables you need to prepare for lunch. Obvious. Here. Reachable. You don’t doubt them, you just do them. And others? They sit on a distant cloud, waving at you through cosmic glass, untouchable no matter how many vision boards you build or affirmations you repeat.
Body of Wanting. 💎
For the nerds who want receipts: Your cells weren’t being woo. They were being peer-reviewed.
Cognitive-Somatic Desire Conflict
“Cognitive Dissonance and Somatic Markers”
Damasio A, 1994.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/8303293/
Body signals veto outdated desires before conscious choice.“Prefrontal Cortex Overload in Decision Making”
Arnsten AFT, 2009.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19709630/
Gut-Brain/Heart-Brain Desire Signals
“Interoceptive Awareness of Instinctual Wants”
Khalsa SS et al., 2009.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19368964/
Belly/heart tissue votes before prefrontal rationalization.“Vagus Nerve in Value Assessment”
Porges SW, 2025.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12302812/
Inherited Programming (Maternal/Ex Validation)
“Epigenetic Inheritance of Attachment Patterns”
Yehuda R et al., 2018.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6127768/“Intergenerational Trauma in Decision Criteria”
Mulligan CJ et al., 2025.
https://www.nature.com/articles/s41598-025-89818-z
Somatic Reset Practice (Chest/Belly Integration)
“Heart Rate Variability and Identity Coherence”
McCraty R et al., 2015.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4678493/“Body Scan for Multi-System Alignment”
Mehling WE et al., 2012.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22888857/
Thank you so much S & S
Your latest piece of work really resonated with me because I had literally finished recording. I transmission I received which coincides with your latest body of work.
The wording may be different however the message is the same and it’s crystal clear.
Thank you for sharing your nonrefundable time and energy with the rest of us.
I speak for myself and against no other
♾️💯🙏💕💜
This piece hits so hard, especially the idea that desire isnt upgrading at the decision level but at the code level. I've noticed something similiar when my body just stopped responding to old goals even tho my brain kept trying to logic me back into them. What's interesting tho is how the interoceptive awareness you describe still needs some translation interface, like our minds cant fully opt out of the conversation even when the body's already voted. The friction of that lag time between somatic knowing and cognitive acceptance is where most of the exhaustion lives imo.