The Most Dysfunctional Workplace in the Multiverse: Your Psyche (A Performance Review)

Or: How to Stop Being Unpaid Janitorial Staff in Your Own Unconscious

Welcome to the most dysfunctional workplace in existence: the space between your ears.

🔥 THE PERFORMANCE REVIEW 🔥

Let’s face it, existential middle-manager: you’ve been working as unpaid janitorial staff in your psychological basement when you actually hold the deed to the entire internal property. You’ve been emptying shadow trash bins and unclogging emotional toilets when you should be in the executive suite making decisions. That moment when you finally check your internal inbox and find the ownership papers? That’s when transformation stops being a cute refrigerator magnet and becomes your actual life.

Your biology doesn’t hand out sovereignty like participation trophies at a kindergarten soccer tournament where everyone gets orange slices regardless of whether they spent the entire game picking dandelions or actually touched the ball. You have to claim it while standing firmly in your own body, making uncomfortable eye contact with all those parts of yourself you’ve exiled to the basement of consciousness with nothing but a few stale psychological crackers and a Netflix subscription to “Shows About People More Dysfunctional Than You: Season 46.”

Your exiled parts don’t disappear. They just run the show from the shadows. Your body becomes the stage for their unfinished business, and the reviews are not good.

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This essay grew up and moved out. It lives in Under the Healing now.

The full text is in print. A book with a spine, a cover, and a body that holds the whole thing.

✨ Read the full essay in the book✨