Your Anger Isn't About Him (Spoiler: It Never Was)
What Your Amygdala, Your Ancestors, and Your Liver Want You to Know
A tragicomedy featuring: You, Your Liver, Your Nervous System (as the dramatic friend), One Mediocre Man, and a Guest Appearance by Your Father’s Unresolved Shit
ACT ONE: THE PLOT TWIST YOU DIDN’T SEE COMING
So there you are, minding your own business, doing your healing work, feeling pretty evolved, like, you’ve read The Body Keeps the Score, you follow all the right Instagram therapists, you’ve got a meditation app subscription you actually use sometimes and then BAM his name comes up in conversation and suddenly you’re a rage dragon breathing fire across the Whole Foods produce section. 🐉🔥
You think: “Why am I still mad at this man? It’s been YEARS. I’ve done the therapy. I’ve burned the sage. I’ve done that weird thing with the egg cleanse my tía taught me. I even unfollowed him on Instagram AND muted his stories. What more does the universe WANT from me?”
But here’s the cosmic punchline, babe: Your anger isn’t about him at all.
I know, I know. Plot twist of the century. M. Night Shyamalan just called, he wants his narrative structure back.
What you’re experiencing is what we can call a Repeating Frequency, a neural loop that’s still doing the cha-cha with his energetic imprint in your cellular tissue. It’s like your body is a jukebox that got stuck on the saddest song from 2019, and every time someone mentions his name, it’s like dropping another quarter in the slot. Cue the sad trombone: wah wah waaaaaah. 🎺
But wait, there’s a subplot you didn’t see coming: You have a child together.
Which means you can’t just block and delete like he’s a bad Tinder date who sent unsolicited dick pics. No no no. You get to co-parent, which is God’s way of saying, “You thought you were done learning lessons from this person? CUTE. Here’s 18 years of mandatory communication. Enjoy your spiritual curriculum. There will be a test. It’s called ‘every interaction forever.’ You’re WELCOME.” 🎓😅
And here’s the thing that makes this whole situation cosmically hilarious: Your kid is fine with him. Your kid actually LIKES him. Because children are little Zen masters who haven’t learned yet that they’re supposed to hold grudges and make vision boards about emotional boundaries. They’re just like, “Dad brought me a Happy Meal and let me stay up late watching cartoons. Life is beautiful. What’s your problem, Mom?”
Meanwhile, you’re over here writing manifestos about intergenerational trauma patterns while your kid is just vibing, eating chicken nuggets, living their best life. 🍟✨ Your kid doesn’t need you to heal this. You do.
ACT TWO: THE BODY KEEPS THE RECEIPTS (AND APPARENTLY NEVER DELETES ITS BROWSER HISTORY)
Here’s what’s really happening, and this is where it gets juicy:
THE NEUROSCIENCE OF “WHY CAN’T I JUST GET OVER IT ALREADY?”
Your body remembers patterns from relationships where you disappeared yourself. This isn’t woo-woo: this is neurobiology, backed by peer-reviewed studies and people in lab coats with very expensive equipment.
When you were in that relationship, constantly trying to be “better” to earn his approval, your brain was literally rewiring itself through a process called neuroplasticity. Every time you self-abandoned, every time you laughed at a joke that wasn’t funny, every time you pretended you didn’t mind that he forgot your birthday, every time you wore lingerie he mentioned liking on someone else in a movie and then he fell asleep scrolling Instagram while you posed like a Victoria’s Secret model having an existential crisis… you strengthened neural pathways that said: “Love = Performance + Self-Erasure.”
Yeah. THAT. 💀
Think of it like this: Your brain carved a highway through the forest, and now every time you think of him, your thoughts automatically take that same route. It’s not a choice, it’s learned neural patterning. Your brain is basically running Windows 98 when it comes to this dude, and every time you try to update the software, it’s like, “Error: Cannot compute. Please try again after crying in your car.”
But here’s where it gets WILD: Your amygdala (that almond-shaped panic button in your limbic system that has the emotional intelligence of a smoke detector) cannot distinguish between past trauma and present reality. When his name comes up, your amygdala fires as if the threat is happening RIGHT NOW. Studies using fMRI scans show that when people recall traumatic relationship memories, the same brain regions light up as during the original experience.
You’re not remembering the humiliation: your nervous system is re-experiencing it in real-time, like some kind of biological PTSD flashback where the villain is just a guy who never texted back consistently.
Science is basically confirming that your body is a time traveler with terrible boundary issues and a really bad sense of direction. ⏰🧠
YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM: THE DRAMATIC FRIEND WHO’S ALWAYS RIGHT
Can we talk about your nervous system for a second? Because she’s been TRYING to tell you this shit for YEARS, but you’ve been too busy people-pleasing and performing your “I’m Fine!” Broadway musical to listen.
Your nervous system in the chat right now like: “Bestie, I’ve been TELLING you this since 2019, but okay, go ahead and listen to some internet article instead of me, your LITERAL BIOLOGY who’s been with you since conception. I’ll just be over here having panic attacks at the grocery store to get your attention. No big deal.” 💅
Enter Polyvagal Theory (courtesy of Dr. Stephen Porges, the man who explained why your body betrays you at family dinners and why you suddenly need to poop before important meetings).
Your vagus nerve, that wandering superhighway connecting your brain to your organs, like the world’s most dramatic fiber-optic cable, has been keeping score. When you were with him, your nervous system was chronically in sympathetic activation (fight/flight, also known as “Why Am I Anxious All The Time For No Reason?”) or dorsal vagal shutdown (freeze/collapse: also known as “Why Am I Watching Netflix For 6 Hours And Can’t Move?”).
Your body learned: “In relationships, I am not safe.”
And here’s the kicker that’ll make you want to throw your phone across the room: The vagus nerve has a longer memory than your conscious mind.
You might think you’re “over it,” you might TELL people you’re over it, you might even BELIEVE you’re over it, but your vagus nerve is like, “Girl, we’ve been down this road before. Remember 2019? I REMEMBER 2019. My entire job is to remember 2019. I’m not falling for this ‘but he seems nice now’ shit again. NOPE. Shutting it down. Activating anger protocol. You’re welcome.”
It’s literally protecting you by keeping that anger activated, a biological alarm system saying, “Remember what happened last time you let your guard down? Remember when you tried to be smaller, quieter, better, more fuckable, more chill, more of everything except yourself? Yeah. I REMEMBER. So we’re gonna keep this rage pilot light burning just in case, mkay?” 🔥
THE SCENE YOU DON’T WANT TO REMEMBER (BUT YOUR BODY DOES)
Remember that time you cooked his favorite meal, the one that took three hours and seventeen ingredients you had to go to two different stores to find, and he showed up an hour late, didn’t apologize, ate it while scrolling his phone, said “it’s good” without looking up, and then asked if you’d seen his charger? Yeah.
Your nervous system remembers. Your nervous system has RECEIPTS. Your nervous system made a scrapbook of every single time you dimmed your light so he could feel brighter, and that scrapbook is currently on fire in your solar plexus. 🔥📔
Or how about that party where you wore the dress, did your makeup, felt actually beautiful for once, and he spent the whole night talking to his ex-something-or-other while you stood there holding his beer like an unpaid intern at the networking event of your own erasure? YOUR. BODY. REMEMBERS.
And it’s not letting go until you acknowledge what happened. Until you stop calling it “complicated” and start calling it what it was: a systematic dismantling of your self-worth disguised as a relationship.
THE SOMATIC SCORECARD (AKA: WHERE YOUR BODY FILED ALL THE COMPLAINTS YOU DIDN’T)
Your anger is vibrating in two main zones:
1. Solar Plexus (Manipura Chakra): your power center, where boundaries meet self-worth
2. Throat (Vishuddha Chakra): your voice center, where truth meets expression
But the REAL MVP here? The organ that’s been doing emotional janitorial work this whole time while you were too busy performing your “Cool Girl” monologue?
Your liver. 🫀 And before you roll your eyes and think, “Oh great, here comes the woo-woo organ feelings bullshit,” let me hit you with some SCIENCE:
In Traditional Chinese Medicine (which has 3,000+ years of clinical observation, longer than Western medicine has existed, just saying), the liver is the organ that stores anger, frustration, and unexpressed rage. But Western medicine is finally catching up like that friend who shows up late to brunch and acts like they had the idea first: Research shows that chronic stress and suppressed emotions lead to elevated cortisol, which the liver has to metabolize.
When you swallow your truth repeatedly: every time you said “I’m fine” when you weren’t, every time you laughed off disrespect, every time you pretended his breadcrumbing was totally normal modern dating… your liver literally processes the biochemical residue of that suppression.
Studies on psychoneuroimmunology (the fancy science of how emotions fuck with your immune system) show that unexpressed anger correlates with:
Elevated inflammatory markers (your body is literally inflamed from swallowing your truth)
Increased liver enzyme levels (your liver is WORKING OVERTIME)
Digestive issues (because your enteric nervous system, that’s 500 MILLION neurons in your gut, a whole-ass brain down there, is responding to emotional stress like, “We can’t digest this relationship OR this sandwich, send help”)
That weird rash that won’t go away no matter how much expensive cream you buy
Right now, if you put your hand on the right side of your ribcage, you might feel warmth. That’s not indigestion, babe. That’s not last night’s Thai food. That’s thermogenesis: your body generating heat as it metabolizes stored emotional energy. Your inner fire is literally waking up to burn the lies you told yourself about not being enough. 🔥
YOUR LIVER IS FILING A FORMAL COMPLAINT.
At this point, your body is so done with your shit that your liver started a group chat with your thyroid, your gut bacteria, and your left ovary. They’re ALL talking about you behind your back. Your pancreas just sent a meme to the chat. It’s a picture of you ugly-crying over his Instagram story at 2 AM with the caption “She’s doing it again.” Your spleen reacted with the skull emoji. 💀
Your adrenal glands are like, “We’ve been in fight-or-flight mode since 2019, can we GET A BREAK?” Your heart is composing sad poetry nobody asked for. And your uterus? Your uterus has OPINIONS. Your uterus is like, “I don’t know what we’re doing, but I know I hate it, so here’s some random cramping and a period that showed up two weeks early just to keep you on your toes. You’re welcome.” 🩸
THE QUANTUM ENTANGLEMENT NOBODY WARNED YOU ABOUT (OR: WHY BLOCKING HIM DIDN’T WORK)
Now we get to the science-y witchy part that sounds like I’m making it up, but Nobel Prizes have been awarded for this shit, so buckle up. 🏆✨
What you’re dealing with is what physicists call quantum entanglement when two particles interact, they remain connected regardless of distance. When one changes state, the other responds instantaneously. Einstein called it “spooky action at a distance” because even he was like, “This is weird, and I literally understand relativity.” You and this man were once vibrating at the same frequency, not because you were soulmates (LOL, absolutely not), but because trauma bonds create electromagnetic signatures stronger than Gorilla Glue.
The HeartMath Institute (real scientists, real research, Google it) has documented this: The human heart generates an electromagnetic field that extends 8-10 feet beyond the body. When two people are in close proximity, especially in intimate relationships, their heart rhythms begin to synchronize. This is measurable with an EKG. It’s not romantic, it’s PHYSICS.
When you separated, the physical distance changed, but the energetic signature didn’t immediately update. Your biofield is still carrying his signal, like how your phone thinks you’re still in a different time zone and keeps sending you notifications at 3 AM about shit you don’t care about. He’s living rent-free in your amygdala like it’s a Bushwick loft and he’s not even on the lease. He didn’t sign paperwork. He’s not paying utilities. But your nervous system keeps letting him crash on the couch because it thinks he still lives there. 🏠😤
This is Entanglement: Your biological network is still running code from a program you thought you uninstalled. You deleted the app, but the app is still running in the background, draining your battery, sending push notifications, tracking your location, and occasionally crashing your whole system.
THE EPIGENETIC INHERITANCE PLOT TWIST (AKA: IT’S NOT JUST HIM, IT’S YOUR WHOLE ANCESTRAL LINE)
But WAIT. There’s more! That anger at yourself? That voice that says you should’ve known better, done better, been better? That’s actually unresolved father-wound patterns that got projected onto this dude like a broken IMAX projector showing the same trauma film on repeat in 4K resolution.
Welcome to epigenetics, the science of how trauma gets passed down through generations, not just through behavior (”your mom did this so now you do this”), but through actual genetic expression. Like, your DNA has FOOTNOTES about your great-grandmother’s bullshit.
Studies on Holocaust survivors and their descendants show that trauma can alter gene expression related to stress response. Researchers found methylation patterns, literal molecular Post-It notes on your DNA, that say, “Hey, remember that time life was terrifying? Let’s prepare for that again just in case.”
Your father’s wounds (and potentially his father’s wounds, and HIS father’s wounds, it’s turtles all the way down) created methylation patterns on your DNA that influence how you respond to love, abandonment, and self-worth. This isn’t your fault. But it IS your responsibility to break the cycle.
Your dad gave you a blueprint that said: “Love is something you earn through performance, excellence, and self-abandonment. Also, your worth is conditional, feelings are inconvenient, and asking for what you need makes you a burden.”
Then you met this guy, and your nervous system went: “OH SHIT, I KNOW THIS DANCE! I’ve been practicing since I was six! I’m so good at this dance! Watch me make myself smaller! Watch me apologize for existing! Watch me perform emotional gymnastics for crumbs of validation! This is my MOMENT!” 🤸♀️
This is called repetition compulsion: a concept from psychoanalysis where we unconsciously recreate painful situations in an attempt to master them. Your psyche was literally trying to heal your father wound by finding someone who would mirror that same dynamic so you could finally “get it right.” Spoiler alert: You can’t heal a father wound by finding a better boyfriend. You can’t fix what your dad didn’t give you by auditioning harder for men who remind you of him.
You can only heal it by becoming your own good father. By giving yourself the unconditional approval, the safe container, the steady presence that you needed and didn’t get. 💪👑
ACT THREE: THE COSMIC TRUTH BOMB MEETS THE MICROSCOPE
MEANWHILE, IN HIS INTERNAL WORLD: (SPOILER ALERT, THERE ISN’T ONE)
Okay, so you need to sit down for this part, because it’s going to piss you off: He’s not thinking about you AT ALL. Like, literally not even a little bit. Not even in a “I wonder how she’s doing” way. Not even in a “Man, I really fucked that up” way.
While you’re over here doing somatic experiencing, drawing sigils, reading 4,000-word articles about your own anger at 2 AM, having Conversations With Your Liver, tracking your ovulation cycle to understand your emotional patterns, and workshopping your trauma with your therapist who charges $200 an hour...
He’s googling “best crypto investments 2025” and trying to remember if he already watched that Joe Rogan episode or if it just FEELS like he did because they’re all the same.
Your nervous system is running a full forensic investigation with timelines, multitude dimensions, soul contracts and evidence boards, and red string connecting all the dots like you’re trying to solve a murder. And he’s just... existing. Not bothered. Not particularly evolved. Not healing. Not even aware there’s something TO heal/shift. Just a guy who once didn’t love you the way you needed and has since moved on to not loving someone else the way THEY need. ♻️ He’s out here living his mediocre life, completely unburdened by self-reflection, while you’re doing the emotional labor for BOTH of you plus your ancestors.
And you know what’s absolutely HILARIOUS in the darkest, most cosmic-joke kind of way? You don’t even want him back. You’re not mad because you miss him. You’re mad because you lost YOURSELF in the process of trying to keep him. You’re mad because you gave him a power he didn’t even know he had. You made him the protagonist of your story when he was barely a side character in his own. He was just some guy. You made him into a villain, a teacher, a mirror, a catalyst. But he was always just... some guy. A mediocre guy. A guy who probably still doesn’t separate his laundry by colors and thinks “therapy” is talking to his boys at the gym. 🏋️
THE SOMATIC EXPERIENCING PROTOCOL (Or: Your Body Is Smarter Than Your Overthinking Brain, Which Is Currently Writing Fan Fiction About Arguments That Never Happened)
Okay, let’s get PRACTICAL, because cosmic wisdom is great but sometimes you need the actual TOOLS, right? Sometimes you need less philosophy and more “What the fuck do I actually DO with this information?”
This protocol is based on Somatic Experiencing (developed by Dr. Peter Levine, who studied how animals in the wild shake off trauma and thought, “Huh, maybe humans should try that instead of just drinking wine and scrolling TikTok”), which works with the body’s innate capacity to resolve trauma through sensation and movement rather than talking about your feelings for the 47th time.
THE LIVER LIBERATION PROTOCOL 🫁
(Do this RIGHT NOW. I’m serious. Your liver is literally watching you skip this like you skip leg day, and she’s taking notes for your next health crisis.)
Close your eyes (yes, right now, I’ll wait. I have time. Your liver has been waiting YEARS.)
Breathe in through your nose for 4 counts, out through your mouth for 6-8 counts: long and slow, like you’re fogging up a mirror to write “I’m done with this shit” in the condensation.
This activates your parasympathetic nervous system (rest-and-digest mode, the opposite of the “WHY IS EVERYTHING ON FIRE” mode you’ve been living in) by stimulating the vagus nerve. The exhale should be longer than the inhale because that’s when your body gets the message: “Okay, we’re safe now. You can stop running from the tiger. There is no tiger. The tiger was a metaphor. You’re in your living room. Relax.”
Put your right hand on your liver (right side, under your ribs, like you’re giving your organs a supportive hug).
This is called interoception: the ability to sense internal body states. Most of us are so dissociated from our bodies that we can’t tell if we’re hungry, tired, or having a panic attack until we’re crying in the Target parking lot. You’re literally bringing conscious awareness to an organ that’s been working in the dark, processing your shit without recognition, like the unappreciated intern of your endocrine system.
Imagine golden vapor rising from your ribcage and spreading outward, like you’re a gorgeous kettle releasing steam, but make it SPIRITUAL. ✨
Visualization activates the same neural networks as actual experience (this is why athletes use mental rehearsal, and also why you can make yourself anxious just by imagining worst-case scenarios, your brain doesn’t know the difference). You’re telling your nervous system: “We’re releasing something. We’re letting it GO. We’re not storing this shit for winter anymore.”
Slowly rotate your torso to the right (inhale), then to the left (exhale). Nice and gentle. You’re not doing CrossFit. You’re doing emotional alchemy.
This is bilateral stimulation: it helps integrate left-brain (logical, linear, the part that makes grocery lists) and right-brain (emotional, intuitive, the part that cries during commercials) processing. EMDR therapy uses this principle. You’re literally helping your brain digest trauma the way your stomach digests food: by MOVING it through.
Let the sound “haaaaaaa” come out: not cute, not controlled, not sexy. Just RAW. Like you’re a dragon releasing flame. Like you’re Tina Turner singing “Proud Mary.” Like you’re your liver finally getting to SPEAK. 🔥🎤
Vocalization activates the vagus nerve and releases tension in the throat chakra. Studies show that sustained vowel sounds reduce cortisol (that’s your stress hormone, the one that’s been partying in your bloodstream since 2019 like it’s a rave that never ends).
Do this until you feel ridiculous, then do it three more times.
Why? Because your ego will try to shut this down right before the breakthrough. The “this is stupid” feeling is RESISTANCE. That voice that says, “This is embarrassing, what if someone sees you”, that’s the same voice that kept you small in that relationship. Tell it to sit the fuck down. Your liver is running this show now. 💅 This isn’t just a technique. This isn’t “self-care.” This is you returning air to your power through measurable neurobiological shifts. This is medicine. This is magic. Same thing.
THE SIGIL OF SOVEREIGNTY (NEUROGRAPHICA MEETS ANCIENT MAGIC MEETS YOUR LIZARD BRAIN) ♇𓋹
Draw this symbol in a spiral from your belly button to your heart. You can do it with your finger, with a pen on paper, with lipstick on your bathroom mirror, with eyeliner on your actual skin. I don’t care. Just DO it.
This combines:
Neurographica (a psychological art method developed in Russia that rewires neural pathways through drawing: your brain literally forms new connections when you create intentional geometric patterns)
Mudra (hand positions from yogic tradition that stimulate specific brain regions via nerve endings in your fingertips: there are more nerve endings in your hands than almost anywhere else, which is why touch is so powerful)
Sigil magic (the ancient practice of encoding intention into symbolic form, used by everyone from medieval mystics to chaos magicians to corporate logo designers who understand that symbols bypass your rational mind and speak directly to your subconscious)
When you draw while speaking your intention, you’re engaging:
Motor cortex (movement)
Visual cortex (seeing)
Auditory cortex (hearing your voice)
Prefrontal cortex (intention, meaning-making, the part that makes you human instead of just a very anxious mammal)
Multi-sensory encoding creates stronger neural pathways than thinking alone. This is why you remember the lyrics to songs from middle school but can’t remember where you put your keys. Music engages multiple brain regions. So does this. That’s it. That’s the activation code. Your nervous system will know what to do with it because you’re speaking directly to your subconscious in the language it understands: symbol, sensation, and sound. You’re not thinking your way out of this. You’re DRAWING your way out. You’re BREATHING your way out. You’re SOUNDING your way out.
You’re ceremony-ing your way the fuck out of 2019. 🎨✨
THE MIRROR NEURON REVELATION (THIS IS WHERE SCIENCE GETS MYSTICAL AND BLOWS YOUR MIND)
Here’s what you need to understand, and I mean really FEEL in your bones, in your cells, in the marrow where your blood is made:
Mirror neurons (discovered by Italian neuroscientist Giacomo Rizzolatti when he was studying monkeys and accidentally revolutionized our understanding of empathy, imitation, and why you yawn when other people yawn) are brain cells that fire both when you perform an action AND when you observe someone else performing it. They’re why you wince when someone else gets hurt, why yawns are contagious, why babies learn by imitation, why you can “feel” what someone else is feeling, why watching someone bite into a lemon makes your mouth pucker. But here’s the WILD part that most people don’t know: Mirror neurons also fire when you observe YOURSELF.
When you witness your own patterns with compassion (instead of judgment), you activate the same neural circuitry that processes empathy for others. Self-compassion isn’t just a nice idea that sounds good on Instagram, it’s a neuroplastic intervention that literally rewires shame circuits in your brain.
You are not the woman who was humiliated. Read that again. Put your hand on your heart. Say it out loud: “I am not the woman who was humiliated.”
You are the woman who is now returning from the ashes of that humiliation with her own name in her breath. 🔥👑
You’re not healing from him. You’re remembering who you were before you learned to shrink. That version of you: the one who didn’t yet know she needed to audition for love, who laughed too loud, who took up space, who had opinions, who didn’t apologize for existing? She’s still here. She’s been waiting in your implicit memory (pre-verbal, body-based knowing, the kind of memory that lives in your cells and your bones, not in your thoughts).
She’s been locked in the basement of your psyche while you performed your “Pick Me” Broadway show upstairs for an audience of one mediocre man who wasn’t even paying attention because he was on his phone. And she’s PISSED. She’s been down there doing push-ups and writing manifestos and sharpening her claws. 🐉
But here’s the thing: She’s not mad AT you. She’s mad FOR you.
That’s the difference between shame and healthy anger: Shame says: “I am bad. I am broken. I am too much and not enough simultaneously. I deserve what happened.” Healthy anger says: “What happened to me was bad. The way I was treated was unacceptable. And I will not allow it again. I am coming back for what’s mine.” 🔥
Shame turns inward and eats you alive. Anger turns outward and CLEARS THE PATH. You don’t need to get rid of the anger. You need to AIM it. Point it toward your liberation, not his destruction. One of those destinations is worth the trip. The other is a dead-end road in a town called Resentment, population: you, your liver, and a bunch of regrets. 🛣️
THE ULTIMATE TRUTH BOMB (BACKED BY LONGITUDINAL STUDIES AND ALSO YOUR SOUL)
He didn’t take your power. You gave it to him so you could learn how it comes back. Read that again. Read it until it stops feeling like a platitude and starts feeling like LIGHTNING. ⚡
But because your psyche needed to externalize the internal conflict so you could see it clearly enough to heal it. You had to LOSE yourself to remember what it feels like to FIND yourself. You had to give your power away to learn what it means to TAKE IT BACK.
Research on post-traumatic growth (and yes, that’s a real thing, studied by actual scientists like Tedeschi and Calhoun, not just spiritual bypassing bullshit) shows that people who process their trauma (rather than bypass it with toxic positivity or numb it with Netflix and wine) often report:
Greater appreciation for life (you don’t take your peace for granted anymore)
Stronger, more authentic relationships (you’re done with surface-level bullshit)
Increased personal strength (you survived that, you can survive anything)
Recognition of new possibilities (whole paths you couldn’t see before)
Spiritual development (you understand that you’re more than your ego, more than your wounds, more than your story)
The anger you feel now? That’s not a problem to solve. That’s not something wrong with you. That’s not evidence that you’re not “healed” yet. That’s your inner survival instinct saying: “Remember who commands the fire.” 🔥
That’s your soul saying: “I’m ready to take up space again.”
That’s your body saying: ”We’re not doing that shit again.”
That’s your nervous system saying: “I updated my software. I know what red flags look like now. And babe, he was a RED FLAG PARADE with confetti cannons.” 🚩🎊
EPILOGUE: THE PLOT TWIST YOU GET TO WRITE (Or: Six Months From Now, When You’re Unrecognizable)
Here’s what’s going to happen, and I’m telling you this now so you can look back at this moment and remember that someone TOLD you: Six months from now, his name will come up in conversation. And you’ll feel... nothing. Not peace. Not rage. Not wistful nostalgia. Not even satisfaction. Just nothing. The same nothing you feel when someone mentions that restaurant that closed in 2019. The same nothing you feel about your MySpace password. The same nothing you feel about the drama from high school that once felt like the end of the world.
Neutral. Unremarkable. Irrelevant.
And you’ll realize something that’ll make you want to laugh and cry at the same time: You don’t hate him. You don’t forgive him. You don’t think about him at all. He’s become a character in a story you once lived, a chapter in a book you’ve already finished reading. And now you’re in a completely different genre. He was in your Trauma Drama Arc, and now you’re in your Hot Girl Healing Her Nervous System Era. 💅✨
Your liver has fully metabolized him. Your amygdala updated its software: it’s running on the new iOS now, smooth, no glitches. Your solar plexus fired him from the job of “Man Whose Opinion Matters.” (He never even knew he HAD that job. You gave him a position he didn’t apply for, and he showed up to work maybe 30% of the time, mostly scrolling Instagram.) And here’s the funniest part, the cosmic punchline that’ll make you cackle when you finally get it:
He was never the villain. He was never the teacher. He was never the mirror. He was never the catalyst. He was just some guy.
Just a regular, mediocre guy with his own unhealed shit, his own father wounds, his own limited capacity for emotional intimacy, his own broken patterns he probably STILL hasn’t looked at because self-reflection requires a level of discomfort he’s not willing to experience.
You made him into a mythological figure. You made him the dragon in your hero’s journey. You made him the final boss. You made him the reason for your transformation. But he was always just... some guy who couldn’t meet you where you were because he’d never even met HIMSELF where HE was.
The villain was never him. The villain was the PATTERN. The villain was the BELIEF. The villain was the story that said you had to earn love through performance. And the hero? The hero was always you. 🦸♀️
The one who kept choosing herself even when it hurt. The one who kept showing up to therapy. The one who kept doing the work even when it felt pointless. The one who kept breathing through the rage and the grief and the shame. The one who kept asking the hard questions: “Why do I feel this? Where does this come from? What am I really angry about?”
The one who’s reading this right now at 2 AM because some part of her KNOWS she’s ready to be free. 🌙
SCIENTIFIC SOURCES (Because Receipts Matter, and Also Because Your Skeptical Friend Who’s Reading Over Your Shoulder Needs Proof):
Polyvagal Theory: Porges, S. W. (2011). The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation. W.W. Norton & Company.
Neuroplasticity: Doidge, N. (2007). The Brain That Changes Itself: Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science. Viking Press.
Epigenetics & Intergenerational Trauma: Yehuda, R., et al. (2016). “Holocaust Exposure Induced Intergenerational Effects on FKBP5 Methylation.” Biological Psychiatry, 80(5), 372-380.
Somatic Experiencing: Levine, P. A. (2010). In an Unspoken Voice: How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness. North Atlantic Books.
HeartMath Research on Electromagnetic Fields: McCraty, R., et al. (2015). “The Coherent Heart: Heart-Brain Interactions, Psychophysiological Coherence, and the Emergence of System-Wide Order.” Frontiers in Psychology, 5, 1040.
Mirror Neurons: Rizzolatti, G., & Craighero, L. (2004). “The Mirror-Neuron System.” Annual Review of Neuroscience, 27, 169-192.
Post-Traumatic Growth: Tedeschi, R. G., & Calhoun, L. G. (2004). “Posttraumatic Growth: Conceptual Foundations and Empirical Evidence.” Psychological Inquiry, 15(1), 1-18.
Psychoneuroimmunology: Ader, R. (2007). “Psychoneuroimmunology (4th Edition).” Academic Press.
Traditional Chinese Medicine & Liver Function: Kaptchuk, T. J. (2000). The Web That Has No Weaver: Understanding Chinese Medicine. McGraw-Hill.
Trauma Bonds & Attachment: Johnson, S. M. (2019). Attachment Theory in Practice: Emotionally Focused Therapy with Individuals, Couples, and Families. Guilford Press.
Repetition Compulsion: Freud, S. (1920). Beyond the Pleasure Principle. International Psycho-Analytical Press.
It’s not “just” magic. It’s not “just” science. It’s one story told in different dialects: quantum, mystical, cellular, symbolic. My dictionary isn’t cute spiritual branding, it’s a multidimensional field guide for decoding reality itself. Every term is a key, every definition a portal, because whether you call it a spell, a signal, or a synapse… the Field doesn’t care. It’s all the same language underneath: resonance.
You’re going to be okay. Better than okay. You’re going to be FREE.
And when you get there,when you wake up one morning and realize his name doesn’t make your chest tight anymore, when you can co-parent without your nervous system activating, when you can see couples and not feel that pang of “that should’ve been us” (because thank GOD it’s not), You’re going to remember this moment. This 2 AM article. This permission slip to feel your rage and alchemize it into POWER.
And you’re going to laugh. Because you’ll realize: The anger was never the problem. The anger was the SOLUTION.It was your body’s way of saying: “You deserve better. And I will not rest until you believe it.” So thank your anger. Thank your liver. Thank your nervous system for never giving up on you even when you gave up on yourself.
And then? Go fucking LIVE. 🔥✨👑
With so much love and zero bullshit, someone who’s been where you are and made it to the other side
P.S. Your liver says you still owe her that green juice. Don’t make me remind you again. 🥬💚😘 NOW GO TO SLEEP. 🌙💤