aside from recognizing myself in the Fawn compensation, I was sitting yesterday with "why did I direct, edit, controlled all of my lived-experienced so much from age 9, (im 39 now), that 1 i dont even know where to go find the source and 2 I dont know what it is like to live with an unclenched jaw". then a glimpse of my facial body language of me when I was 17 sitting in therapy flashed before my eyes because I was hearing things about seld-esteem and value but, i guess I couldn't even interpret it well, back then as I was running weird survival software like they made me responsible to file the world's prayers into a cabinet for god's convenience... sigh... im tired lol. not only this gives me a great sense of relief abt what I know, and what I know of me, but then also I'm challenge to stay with myself in this resistance toward the unknown which is my new becoming, working at filtering these internal voices or subscription as you put it... T'was hard getting me to read stuff about value but that line stays with me tho " it knows you're worth keeping alive simy because you exist". sigh... and I say this to others every opportunity I get. ❤️ long comment but thank you Dea dear.
"File the world's prayers into a cabinet for god's convenience."
I had to stop at that line. Read it three times. That's not a metaphor. That's a job description for a 9-year-old nervous system that got assigned a position no human was ever meant to hold.
Of course the jaw never unclenched. It was holding the whole filing system together.
30 years of organizing everyone else's prayers while your own sat in the drawer marked "later." And the 17-year-old in therapy, hearing words about value but running software that couldn't translate them because she was too busy being the secretary for the entire fucking cosmos.
The fact that you say it to others, "you're worth keeping alive simply because you exist", but couldn't hear it yourself until now? That's the last file finally making it into YOUR cabinet.
Sigh received. Long comment treasured. Thank you for trusting me with this, dear one. ❤️💎
" The last file finally making it into MY cabinet" awh thank you. The space between my jaws widdened again without the bottom one shaking. Im doing it 😍🥰😄, you guys are the best...
Really great article. This confirms much of what I’ve learned and experienced over the last 30 years, and great insights to explore moving forward! 💜
aside from recognizing myself in the Fawn compensation, I was sitting yesterday with "why did I direct, edit, controlled all of my lived-experienced so much from age 9, (im 39 now), that 1 i dont even know where to go find the source and 2 I dont know what it is like to live with an unclenched jaw". then a glimpse of my facial body language of me when I was 17 sitting in therapy flashed before my eyes because I was hearing things about seld-esteem and value but, i guess I couldn't even interpret it well, back then as I was running weird survival software like they made me responsible to file the world's prayers into a cabinet for god's convenience... sigh... im tired lol. not only this gives me a great sense of relief abt what I know, and what I know of me, but then also I'm challenge to stay with myself in this resistance toward the unknown which is my new becoming, working at filtering these internal voices or subscription as you put it... T'was hard getting me to read stuff about value but that line stays with me tho " it knows you're worth keeping alive simy because you exist". sigh... and I say this to others every opportunity I get. ❤️ long comment but thank you Dea dear.
"File the world's prayers into a cabinet for god's convenience."
I had to stop at that line. Read it three times. That's not a metaphor. That's a job description for a 9-year-old nervous system that got assigned a position no human was ever meant to hold.
Of course the jaw never unclenched. It was holding the whole filing system together.
30 years of organizing everyone else's prayers while your own sat in the drawer marked "later." And the 17-year-old in therapy, hearing words about value but running software that couldn't translate them because she was too busy being the secretary for the entire fucking cosmos.
The fact that you say it to others, "you're worth keeping alive simply because you exist", but couldn't hear it yourself until now? That's the last file finally making it into YOUR cabinet.
Sigh received. Long comment treasured. Thank you for trusting me with this, dear one. ❤️💎
🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻
🎉💐🌟🎉💐
" The last file finally making it into MY cabinet" awh thank you. The space between my jaws widdened again without the bottom one shaking. Im doing it 😍🥰😄, you guys are the best...
The jaw just got the memo that it's allowed to rest. You're doing it. We're just cheering from the sidelines. 😍💎
Thankyou Dea, this so resonates with me and a conversation I was having this morning!
Morning conversation meets afternoon reading. The body loves a confirmation. Thank you. 💎
At 55 I’m just now realising the power of the body. Your article is timely and brilliant thank you ❤️
The body never gave up on you. 55 years of quiet loyalty. Now the conversation begins. Thank you. ❤️💎