The Greatest Spiritual Glow-Up Scam (And How to Survive It)

Because that "higher consciousness" package comes with an unexpected side of divine humbling

Picture this: You’re sitting in your carefully curated meditation corner, surrounded by crystals that cost more than your therapy sessions, convinced you’re one green juice away from enlightenment. Your altar looks like Goop and a shaman had a baby and that baby got a Pinterest account. Then life comes in like a stand-up comedian with a plot twist that makes M. Night Shyamalan look predictable.

Your body knew this moment was coming. Your fascia has been holding the punchline for months, waiting for your mind to catch up to what your tissue already understood: you can’t aesthetic your way to regulation.

You know that quote floating around social media: “Just spread love and light, and everything will be fine”? Adorable. Almost as adorable as those retreat ads showing enlightened beings in flowing white linens sipping matcha on a Balinese beach, looking like they’ve never had a thought about their ex at 2am or stress-eaten an entire sleeve of cookies while questioning their life choices. But reality? Oh honey, she’s got a different script entirely. And she didn’t run it by your vision board first.

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This essay grew up and moved out. It lives in Under the Healing now.

The full text is in print. A book with a spine, a cover, and a body that holds the whole thing.

✨ Read the full essay in the book✨