Aaah yes the look of contempt. That usually follows once the mask is slipping. Where you start to already pick up on the incongruencies.
I had that in my last relationship, I saw this horrid look of contempt when I was in my own world for just maybe 10 seconds, thinking out loud to myself in a foreign language. You know, one of the things he loved about me in the beginning, my speaking several languages?
I saw it out of the corner of my eye and I realized holy crap. This relationship is now over.
I ended it. I deserve better.
The thing is those incongruency are already earlier on, yet for some reason we just note them in the back of our mind until it gets really bad. And that look of contempt? Means you’re already way past the expiration date
Ten seconds in your own world, thinking out loud in a language he used to love. And you caught that look. The corner of your eye was enough. The body doesn't need a full-frontal view to recognize contempt. It just knows.
Your cells registered the end before your mind finished processing. Your skin felt the relationship expire in real time. Your blood stopped flowing toward him in that exact moment.
"I ended it. I deserve better." Six words that took everything. And you said them anyway.
You're right that the incongruencies show up early. We file them in the back of our minds like receipts we might need later. Then later comes and we finally read the total.
Your bones held you through that exit. Your pulse wrote the goodbye while your heart was still catching up.
Contempt is the smell of something that went bad months ago. You trusted your nose. Thank you for sharing this. 💎
Profound, Dea! You just wrote about and perfectly described a past twenty years section of my life. I divorced him, but looking back, I recognized everything you wrote about and it was perfectly true in my case --every stage. How it lasted twenty years was the miracle, because even now, I can still feel the blame and the pointing. This is a post that should be sent to every miserable wife "out there" who is thinking "What's wrong? I haven't changed. I'm the same me I always was!" The post script should read ..."Get out and save the remainder of your sanity!"
Twenty years of collecting evidence while your mind kept filing it under "maybe I'm the problem." Your body knew. It always knew. The miracle isn't that it lasted that long. The miracle is that YOU did.
Your cells still hold the shape of that blame. Your skin still remembers the pointing. You divorced him. Now you're divorcing the version of you that thought she deserved it.
"I haven't changed, I'm the same me I always was" is the cry of every woman whose only crime was staying whole while someone kept handing her sandpaper.
Your blood is still learning it can flow without bracing. Your bones are softening from years of holding a shape that was never yours.
Thank you for saying this out loud. Somewhere a woman is reading your comment and feeling less alone tonight. 💎
That’s how your wonderful post hit me! Somewhere “out there” others besides me are finding out by reading your words that they’re fine, just the way they are! The problem isn’t them/us.
I had several factors working against me, Dea. I had family members saying, “If it isn’t working, you aren’t working hard enough. Stop complaining.” Then I also had him moving the finish line, “If you would do this or that, be like this or that, we would be fine!” I would change and follow through, but the finish line got moved again.
I filed for divorce three times. Twice he convinced me I couldn’t make it without him. “You need me. You’ll never make it without me!” I felt like a belonging, like a T-shirt, or a hockey stick.
Finally on the third time, I went through with it and when he was served with papers, this is what I heard, “You can’t make it without ME! I’ll see you on Welfare before I’ll let you divorce me!”
I had reclaimed my life and I was never going back. My answers to his remarks were: “I don’t care! I’ll work three jobs, if I have to. I will even consider Welfare, because anything would be better than spending one more day or night listening to your abuse!”
I divorced him 34 years ago. One of the best gifts I ever gave myself!
Aaah yes the look of contempt. That usually follows once the mask is slipping. Where you start to already pick up on the incongruencies.
I had that in my last relationship, I saw this horrid look of contempt when I was in my own world for just maybe 10 seconds, thinking out loud to myself in a foreign language. You know, one of the things he loved about me in the beginning, my speaking several languages?
I saw it out of the corner of my eye and I realized holy crap. This relationship is now over.
I ended it. I deserve better.
The thing is those incongruency are already earlier on, yet for some reason we just note them in the back of our mind until it gets really bad. And that look of contempt? Means you’re already way past the expiration date
Ten seconds in your own world, thinking out loud in a language he used to love. And you caught that look. The corner of your eye was enough. The body doesn't need a full-frontal view to recognize contempt. It just knows.
Your cells registered the end before your mind finished processing. Your skin felt the relationship expire in real time. Your blood stopped flowing toward him in that exact moment.
"I ended it. I deserve better." Six words that took everything. And you said them anyway.
You're right that the incongruencies show up early. We file them in the back of our minds like receipts we might need later. Then later comes and we finally read the total.
Your bones held you through that exit. Your pulse wrote the goodbye while your heart was still catching up.
Contempt is the smell of something that went bad months ago. You trusted your nose. Thank you for sharing this. 💎
Pleasure!
Profound, Dea! You just wrote about and perfectly described a past twenty years section of my life. I divorced him, but looking back, I recognized everything you wrote about and it was perfectly true in my case --every stage. How it lasted twenty years was the miracle, because even now, I can still feel the blame and the pointing. This is a post that should be sent to every miserable wife "out there" who is thinking "What's wrong? I haven't changed. I'm the same me I always was!" The post script should read ..."Get out and save the remainder of your sanity!"
Twenty years of collecting evidence while your mind kept filing it under "maybe I'm the problem." Your body knew. It always knew. The miracle isn't that it lasted that long. The miracle is that YOU did.
Your cells still hold the shape of that blame. Your skin still remembers the pointing. You divorced him. Now you're divorcing the version of you that thought she deserved it.
"I haven't changed, I'm the same me I always was" is the cry of every woman whose only crime was staying whole while someone kept handing her sandpaper.
Your blood is still learning it can flow without bracing. Your bones are softening from years of holding a shape that was never yours.
Thank you for saying this out loud. Somewhere a woman is reading your comment and feeling less alone tonight. 💎
That’s how your wonderful post hit me! Somewhere “out there” others besides me are finding out by reading your words that they’re fine, just the way they are! The problem isn’t them/us.
I had several factors working against me, Dea. I had family members saying, “If it isn’t working, you aren’t working hard enough. Stop complaining.” Then I also had him moving the finish line, “If you would do this or that, be like this or that, we would be fine!” I would change and follow through, but the finish line got moved again.
I filed for divorce three times. Twice he convinced me I couldn’t make it without him. “You need me. You’ll never make it without me!” I felt like a belonging, like a T-shirt, or a hockey stick.
Finally on the third time, I went through with it and when he was served with papers, this is what I heard, “You can’t make it without ME! I’ll see you on Welfare before I’ll let you divorce me!”
I had reclaimed my life and I was never going back. My answers to his remarks were: “I don’t care! I’ll work three jobs, if I have to. I will even consider Welfare, because anything would be better than spending one more day or night listening to your abuse!”
I divorced him 34 years ago. One of the best gifts I ever gave myself!