I Fix, Therefore I Am

(or: Why Your Nervous System Thinks You're Worthless When You're Not Serving)

Somewhere in your body there’s a tiny Excel spreadsheet that opens automatically the moment someone in the room sighs. Not your work Excel. The secret one. With columns for “What Needs Fixing,” “Who Needs Saving,” and “How Much Energy Do I Have Left Before I Collapse” (spoiler: that column has been in the negative since 2017).

Your body remembers the exact moment you understood that love only arrives when you’re useful. This wasn’t a decision. It’s muscle memory written into your palms, which are always ready to grab a broom, someone else’s problem, or a situation that has nothing to do with you.

And now you walk through the world like a phone charger that’s powering every device in the room... but isn’t plugged into the wall. Of course you’re “generous.” Your battery is at 3% and you’re pretending it’s a lifestyle.

Because here’s the truth nobody says out loud: giving is your regulation. Receiving is your exposure. When you give, you control the situation. You’re the one who knows what…