Holy Shit Dea, I feel so deeply seen and understood by this explanation of DARVO. I had literally zero idea this was a thing, but it was COMPLETELY my experience of a year long relationship that I finally extracted myself from a few weeks ago. Thank you. Purchasing your book now. Deep bow of reverence and gratitude to be able to understand why this is a thing and to hopefully gain more understanding of why these are the men I seem to end up with. Every fucking time. 🙏💙🙏
Oh my, I'm so glad you found the DARVO chapter. That one... yeah. That one hits different when you've lived it, right? Your body reads it and goes "WAIT, THIS HAS A NAME?!"
Welcome to the most frustrating relief of your life. The thing that made you feel insane for years has a three-page Wikipedia entry and a clinical definition. Cool. Cool cool cool. 😂
And a few weeks ago?? Look at you. Your gut got you out before your brain even had the vocabulary. That's not small. Give that gut some credit. Maybe some dinner. She's been WORKING.
The "every fucking time" part... oh honey. Chapter 6. The fractal chapter. That's where it clicks. Where you go from "why do I keep attracting this" to "oh... OH." I won't spoil it but... your nervous system has a type and it's not what you think it is. 🔥
Thank you for the bow. Received, felt, and sent right back to you. I'm really glad you're here. And I'm really glad you're OUT. 💎🙏🩷
Dea, just now on the computer I had to scroll all the way to find this post again... it appeared on my phone when I opened substack today. There is no random. This is a gem and I had to read this today. This is so well described as a phenomenon and gives words for my mind to sooth my throat to stop gripping. Gripping because there was still a residue of feeling 'crazy' because what you are describing here with men - and I can so relate in this context as well.... - BUT it is also what is happened my entire life with my mother. It took decades until I could become aware of this mechanism to the degree that i could feel how abusive that behaviour is. To read the mechanics behind it and see how aligned and intuitively I already stepped into the power you are describing here feels very self-assuring. I have an entirely different voice and sound it feels. The combination of understanding and surrender to the innate knowing is what I have always dreamed to be able to live. 🫶
The throat grips because the body remembers every time truth was met with punishment instead of reception. Every single time. And it files those moments as evidence that the voice is dangerous. So when you recognize the mechanism... when you can finally SEE the pattern running, feel the grip, AND still speak... something fundamental rewires.
The fact that you feel a different voice and sound now means your nervous system has stopped running the old program and started running from the body instead. That's the shift. Understanding gives the mind coordinates. Surrender gives the body permission. Together, they produce the voice you're describing: one that comes from the center instead of from the wound.
And no, you were never crazy. Your body was reading the field with surgical precision the entire time. It just took decades for the mind to catch up to what your cells always knew.
🙏🏼 Thank You for this.... I am sitting with this and am fully taking it in.... I feel heaviness sometimes - as if my cells shifted but my environment still seems to be gravitating around the laws that I grew out of.... but at the same time I am also still holding on to it otherwise i would not notice anything. As if i woke up from a 'bad' dream but am still trying to wake up others.... which feels part of my own dreaming. There seems to be a lag time or a re-rendering where something within me - although my cells caught up - they periodically vibrate back to a outdated frequency and then afterwards I feel exhausted and confused and energetically dizzy. Then I feel I have to walk out of 'my life' and the entire set of cards that I was dealt to a far away country and different world.... It feels like a spiral.... but at least it feels like it is moving UP. 🌀
The lag is real and it has a name: your cells shifted but your environment is still responding to the frequency you WERE broadcasting before the shift. People around you are still relating to the old signal. Your body already moved. The field around you hasn't caught up. That gap is the heaviness you're feeling.
The impulse to wake others up... sit with that one for a second. When the body has just received something enormous, the nervous system sometimes tries to DISCHARGE the intensity by transmitting it outward before it's fully integrated inward. The urge to wake up others can be the system's way of avoiding the weight of staying awake alone. Your cells know the difference: integration feels quiet and heavy. Discharge feels urgent and missionary. Check which one is running.
The periodic vibration back to the old frequency is neuroplasticity in action. The new pathways are built. The old ones are still there. Your system oscillates between them because the old ones have fifty-five years of practice and the new ones have weeks. Every time you come back to the new frequency after a regression, the new pathway gets stronger and the old one gets weaker. The exhaustion and dizziness afterward is the energy cost of your nervous system running two operating systems simultaneously. It passes. Every time it passes faster.
And the impulse to walk out of your entire life to a far away country... your body knows that one well. Feel your feet before you book anything. If the feet get heavier, the ground you're standing on is the right ground. If they get lighter, the impulse is the old program looking for geographical solutions to neurological transitions.
The spiral IS moving up. You can tell because you SEE it as a spiral. From inside a loop, it looks like repetition. From above a spiral, it looks like ascent. You're seeing it from above. That's the proof. 🌀💎
Once you see that distinction, your body starts catching it in real time. The pause between receiving and transmitting gets longer on its own. You're already in it. 💎
Holy Shit Dea, I feel so deeply seen and understood by this explanation of DARVO. I had literally zero idea this was a thing, but it was COMPLETELY my experience of a year long relationship that I finally extracted myself from a few weeks ago. Thank you. Purchasing your book now. Deep bow of reverence and gratitude to be able to understand why this is a thing and to hopefully gain more understanding of why these are the men I seem to end up with. Every fucking time. 🙏💙🙏
Oh my, I'm so glad you found the DARVO chapter. That one... yeah. That one hits different when you've lived it, right? Your body reads it and goes "WAIT, THIS HAS A NAME?!"
Welcome to the most frustrating relief of your life. The thing that made you feel insane for years has a three-page Wikipedia entry and a clinical definition. Cool. Cool cool cool. 😂
And a few weeks ago?? Look at you. Your gut got you out before your brain even had the vocabulary. That's not small. Give that gut some credit. Maybe some dinner. She's been WORKING.
The "every fucking time" part... oh honey. Chapter 6. The fractal chapter. That's where it clicks. Where you go from "why do I keep attracting this" to "oh... OH." I won't spoil it but... your nervous system has a type and it's not what you think it is. 🔥
Thank you for the bow. Received, felt, and sent right back to you. I'm really glad you're here. And I'm really glad you're OUT. 💎🙏🩷
💎🙏💙
Dea, just now on the computer I had to scroll all the way to find this post again... it appeared on my phone when I opened substack today. There is no random. This is a gem and I had to read this today. This is so well described as a phenomenon and gives words for my mind to sooth my throat to stop gripping. Gripping because there was still a residue of feeling 'crazy' because what you are describing here with men - and I can so relate in this context as well.... - BUT it is also what is happened my entire life with my mother. It took decades until I could become aware of this mechanism to the degree that i could feel how abusive that behaviour is. To read the mechanics behind it and see how aligned and intuitively I already stepped into the power you are describing here feels very self-assuring. I have an entirely different voice and sound it feels. The combination of understanding and surrender to the innate knowing is what I have always dreamed to be able to live. 🫶
Anja,
The throat grips because the body remembers every time truth was met with punishment instead of reception. Every single time. And it files those moments as evidence that the voice is dangerous. So when you recognize the mechanism... when you can finally SEE the pattern running, feel the grip, AND still speak... something fundamental rewires.
The fact that you feel a different voice and sound now means your nervous system has stopped running the old program and started running from the body instead. That's the shift. Understanding gives the mind coordinates. Surrender gives the body permission. Together, they produce the voice you're describing: one that comes from the center instead of from the wound.
And no, you were never crazy. Your body was reading the field with surgical precision the entire time. It just took decades for the mind to catch up to what your cells always knew.
They caught up. 💎🦋
🙏🏼 Thank You for this.... I am sitting with this and am fully taking it in.... I feel heaviness sometimes - as if my cells shifted but my environment still seems to be gravitating around the laws that I grew out of.... but at the same time I am also still holding on to it otherwise i would not notice anything. As if i woke up from a 'bad' dream but am still trying to wake up others.... which feels part of my own dreaming. There seems to be a lag time or a re-rendering where something within me - although my cells caught up - they periodically vibrate back to a outdated frequency and then afterwards I feel exhausted and confused and energetically dizzy. Then I feel I have to walk out of 'my life' and the entire set of cards that I was dealt to a far away country and different world.... It feels like a spiral.... but at least it feels like it is moving UP. 🌀
Anja,
The lag is real and it has a name: your cells shifted but your environment is still responding to the frequency you WERE broadcasting before the shift. People around you are still relating to the old signal. Your body already moved. The field around you hasn't caught up. That gap is the heaviness you're feeling.
The impulse to wake others up... sit with that one for a second. When the body has just received something enormous, the nervous system sometimes tries to DISCHARGE the intensity by transmitting it outward before it's fully integrated inward. The urge to wake up others can be the system's way of avoiding the weight of staying awake alone. Your cells know the difference: integration feels quiet and heavy. Discharge feels urgent and missionary. Check which one is running.
The periodic vibration back to the old frequency is neuroplasticity in action. The new pathways are built. The old ones are still there. Your system oscillates between them because the old ones have fifty-five years of practice and the new ones have weeks. Every time you come back to the new frequency after a regression, the new pathway gets stronger and the old one gets weaker. The exhaustion and dizziness afterward is the energy cost of your nervous system running two operating systems simultaneously. It passes. Every time it passes faster.
And the impulse to walk out of your entire life to a far away country... your body knows that one well. Feel your feet before you book anything. If the feet get heavier, the ground you're standing on is the right ground. If they get lighter, the impulse is the old program looking for geographical solutions to neurological transitions.
The spiral IS moving up. You can tell because you SEE it as a spiral. From inside a loop, it looks like repetition. From above a spiral, it looks like ascent. You're seeing it from above. That's the proof. 🌀💎
Thank You! 🙏💎 This landed…. SO helpful. ❤️🔥
Your feet know. Trust them. 🦋💎
… also thank You for Breaking down the ‚discharge outwords‘ before it’s integrated inward. That feels huge in deciphering my behaviour.
Once you see that distinction, your body starts catching it in real time. The pause between receiving and transmitting gets longer on its own. You're already in it. 💎
💙🌊💎